“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.”
YOU HAVE A CHOICE… TO LIVE OR TO EXIST.
By exist, I mean playing it safe, sticking in your comfort zone and remaining in auto pilot mode. Not challenging status quo, waking up and going through the motions. Existing can certainly be the easier option but then don’t be surprised or frustrated that you find yourself stuck in rut, feeling unfulfilled or bored with your life.
Carry on reading if you want to master living rather than existing!
Much of my work as a Mindset and Life Coach involves helping people make changes in their lives, whether that be their personal or professional life or both as we know often, these are intertwined. You can know that you would benefit from making a change (that’s the easy bit) but get stuck at figuring out what that change looks like and ultimately how you go about turning it into action.
We’ve all been there – often at the start of a new year or new month – buoyed up to make a change, but never get out of the starting block or our momentum soon fizzles out and we’re back to square one within days or weeks. This cycle can get tiring and demotivating pretty quickly which can stop us trying to create change altogether as well as fuel self-sabotage behaviour.
How to thrive rather than survive
This blog introduces my proven ‘3 Pillars of Change’ framework which enables you to create changes that stand the test of time and won’t collapse after a few weeks or months.
Think of an easel. Without three legs it simply won’t work.
The easel must have three legs to stand up. Change is the exact same principle! The ‘3 Pillars of Change’ need to be present to create sustainable change.
What’s more, the easel’s three legs need to be sturdy and planted firmly on the ground so that it doesn’t topple over as soon as someone bumps into it. Again, this is the same for the ‘3 Pillars of Change’ – they need to be solid.
The elements of the ‘3 Pillars of Change‘
1. SELF-AWARENESS: Your Mindset Will Dictate Your Success
A positive mindset is everything. Being positive about the process of change and believing that you can make the change happen will be a key contributor to your success.
By being aware of your attitude and behaviour you can equip yourself to manage any element of self-sabotage which lets negativity build and dismisses the positive.
Identify what could hinder you
Become aware of any roadblocks which could stop you getting out of the starting blocks or constantly trip you up.
A couple of commons culprits are:
These are beliefs that limit your choices. You start to believe that you aren’t capable of change; either you tell yourself this or people surrounding you do. ‘Why bother? You just don’t have the willpower to stick at it’, ‘You get too easily distracted’ or ‘As soon as there is a bump in the road you stop and turnaround’. You can start to believe that whilst others can crack it, you simply don’t have what it takes.
We all talk to ourselves! However, the voice in our head can often be talking nonsense and not be your cheerleader. Be mindful of your inner dialogue. What is it saying and how are you talking to yourself? The nature of change means that uncertainty is its best friend which can be daunting. Automatically your brain may go into overdrive, especially if you are operating out of your comfort zone. Your inner voice may be saying things such as ‘This is probably too much for you to handle’, ‘You’ve bitten off more that you can chew’ and on and on it can continue.
Get into the habit of asking yourself, what is FACT and what is FICTION? A big part of creating a mindset shift is to learn how to, then practise, to think rationally based on facts rather than engaging just the emotional part of the brain.
2. COMMITMENT: Have a robust plan
I’m talking about having a well-thought-through plan. It’s not uncommon for doubts to creep in, unforeseen complications to pop up, your circumstances may change – the list can be endless. A robust plan will be your best friend, helping you overcome these obstacles as you’ll have a strategy in place to deal with them.
Having such a plan helps you be resilient, in other words, not letting setbacks set you back. You can adapt and change course as needed.
Here’s a few pointers when developing your plan:
- Focus on the WHAT, WHEN and HOW
Often, we can fall into the trap of just focusing on the WHAT which can be our first stumbling block as that is just one piece of the jigsaw. Think about all these elements and be realistic with what you can achieve and your timings. You can have a phased plan with bite size stages.
Draw on experience
Think about where you have been successful in the past. What has been in play? Why were you successful? It doesn’t have to directly relate to your current change, but it’s still relevant so don’t discount it as valuable insight.
For example, has having a mentor helped you in the past as you benefitted from having a sounding board and someone to be accountable with? Or you know that there have been certain saboteurs in the past and you flourish when you limit how much information you share with them about your goals and plans in the early stages.
What could happen to knock you off course? Where are the potential pitfalls? This can be resource related; time, money and energy. Also consider external factors, what else is happening around you that could affect your plans? These shouldn’t be showstoppers but once you identify them you can plan how to overcome them and adapt.
3. SIGNIFICANT REWARD: Your Why
What is your motivation? Identify the impact that this change will bring.
- What will I gain from making this change?
- How will this change positively impact my life?
- How could I significantly suffer if I don’t make this change?
- Are the benefits significant enough?
This last question can be a deal breaker. Be honest with yourself, are the benefits significant enough to motivate you? How much do you want it? This can help flag up what’s driving the change. It is because you think you ‘should’ do something? Do you feel it is expected of you? In other words, it’s not really your idea or you’re not that bothered about the outcome.
You can be harnessing the power of a positive mindset and have a great plan; however, you need to check in with yourself to make sure that you really do WANT this change to happen. This motivation will be your driver to stick with it when times get tough.
So now take a moment and think back to those times when you struggled to make a change. Was it the case that you had a great plan and a positive mindset, but the motivation simply wasn’t there? Or maybe you really wanted it and had a great approach but when an unexpected obstacle appeared, things fell apart because you didn’t have a robust plan. Next time you’re considering making a change, remember how an easel stands up. Do you have three solid pillars of change?
“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”
ABOUT ROO DAVIES
Award winning Mindset and Life Coach, Roo Davies, is passionate about helping empower people to thrive rather than simply survive in both their professional and personal lives. She works one to one with individuals and delivers workshops sharing her proven framework supporting people to create sustainable change and a positive mindset.
Roo became a Coach after a series of events left her feeling like the rug had been pulled from under her. Key areas of her life had changed which led to a period of uncertainty. Over time she regained control and shaped her next happier chapter.
This personal experience and coaching expertise enable Roo to provide effective support for her clients to create a life that they love. She feels privileged to be invited along onto her client’s journeys where together they explore their situation, their aspirations, where they want to get to and ultimately help them get there.
Facebook: Your Life Journey
Come and meet Roo at FitFest Oxford on June 15th, for her inspiring talk ‘Choose to Live Rather Than Exist’. During the talkwhere she will be teaching you to thrive by building a positive mindset, tackle self sabotage and feel empowered to step out of your comfort zone! Book tickets now at http://fitfestoxford.com/tickets/